A List of what I’ve learned in 5 months of having my child:

Let me tell you what I have learned in the last 5 months:

  1. I am utterly, devotedly in love with my little girl.

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  1. She has grown in the last 5 months faster than I ever thought she would.

She started off at 7 lbs. 8 oz. and 21.5 inches long, and at our 4.5-month visit she was 14.5 lbs. and 26 inches long.

How did she get so big!!!!????!!!

  1. I have a DIVA!

As long as you hold Oakley, she is fine. The moment you put her down she screams.

Yes, I did try just letting her scream herself to sleep. After an hour of listening to her wail, scream, and sound like she had a smokers cough while crying, I wanted to commit myself to a nicely padded room….

  1. The only way she will sleep is on her stomach. She hates sleeping on her back. Sometimes, but only in certain moods, will she sleep on her side.

She prefers chest-to-chest with me.

The problem with this is that I do not sleep because an almost 15 lb. child is on top of me snoring right under my chin.

And when you decide to move her over next to you or into her cradle, her eyes pop open faster than the thought crossed your mind.

  1. It is easier to hold her sometimes and try to do things one-handed than to sit her down and listen to her scream.

It breaks my heart when the tears and smokers cough come out.

  1. My husband and I do not know what alone time and sex are anymore. Seriously. How do people have babies back-to-back when said baby is a Diva? I have no desire to anyway…which is a problem…
  1. The dog is jealous. Eli, my first-born dog-child, is very jealous of any time spent with Oakley and has taken to eating himself alive to prove this point.
  1. Working 12-hour days 2 days a week is killing me. I work 40 hours a week as a full-time English professor. Those days are Monday through Thursday. My only consolation for making it Monday and Wednesday from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. and Tuesday and Thursday from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. is that I get to spend Friday through Sunday with my munchkin.

However, late nights at work mean by the time I get home it’s time for bath and bed.

I have an enforced, even at 5 months, bedtime of 10 p.m. for Oakley. Unfortunately, that means I have to go to bed too since she won’t sleep without me, so I get nothing done.

But I probably need sleep anyway…

  1. I get nothing done.

At all.

I mean nothing! My to-do list is longer than the page it is on. I’ve used both sides of the page.

I don’t foresee most of it getting done anytime soon. I also don’t see anybody really helping to get it done the way they did at the end of my pregnancy or right after having the Diva.

  1. I sincerely admire single mothers.

I have yet to understand how single mothers do what I am doing, plus what my husband ends up doing, plus keeping their homes clean, plus work full-time, plus everything else.

And some of these mothers have more than one child!

My heart goes out to you. I don’t know how you manage to do it.

  1. I have an awesome husband. I chose right for the father of my child. Why? Well, he gets up in the morning and gets dressed. While I finish dressing me and the Diva, he goes downstairs, packs my lunch, packs his lunch, packs Diva’s milk, washes the breastpump pieces, puts them in the pump bag, carries all four of my bags to my car, makes me coffee, finds me breakfast food, fills our water bottles…

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And at night he cooks.

Yes, almost every night. The exception is take-out nights.

Yes, that means I don’t cook. Ever. Unless I want to. And I never want to.

  1. Baths can get old. Because it is easier to bathe Diva in the big bathtub now, I end up taking baths with her. That means getting us both in the tub bathing her and bathing myself, which isn’t bad except I really miss showers…but I’ve tried showers with Diva. They don’t work.
  1. Eating is impossible. Holding a baby in one arm and trying to eat my coveted fried chicken is impossible. My husband ends up pulling it off the bone like I’m 5 so that I am able to eat it with one hand.

It is inevitable that if food is near and I want to eat it, Diva will also need a boob.

  1. Breastfeeding Diva has been the best choice I ever made; however, it has also been one of the hardest. I despise pumping, though I do it three times a day religiously. Sometimes I just want someone else to feed Diva because I’m tired and want to sleep.

But, 90 percent of the time, I enjoy the bond of feeding my child, knowing that her fat rolls have been nourished 100 percent by the milk my body has made specially for her. I am one of those small percent’s that 100 EBF.

  1. And last, as the 6-month mark approaches and solid food is starting to become something we are thinking about, I have fears that she will not want to nurse. That she will not need me as much anymore. That my milk production is going to stop. It is scary. I have bad dreams about this as night.

So, we are going to try Baby Led Weaning…I’ll let you know how it goes.

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